I'm going to show up.

This is a little rambling, but it's my first post in a while. Forgive me!


So, this year I was #notatiste. I was fortunate to be sent to ISTE in 2011 in what was probably a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Thankfully, there's a great and very active community of people who engage in ISTE style learning from their homes during the annual conference. I was right in the midst of a graduate course this year, so I was a little late to the game. I did participate in some Twitter chats and joined the Voxer group - which led me to this post -

http://msmayersmessage.blogspot.com/2015/07/how-did-majority-become-minority.html


This, has struck a cord.

First of all, I have lately been really having a feeling like I have something to give to the conversation. I haven't been sure how to get my toe in the water, for lack of a better analogy. I feel stuck. I have things to say, but I it hasn't yet formed into a concrete message. And how do you even get started?

Second, her points here really make me think about a conversation I had with the professor of the course I took this summer. I'm applying for admittance to an Educational Leadership program. This now, in the state of Illinois, requires the creation of a portfolio along with various other requirements to be reviewed by committee prior to acceptance into the program. After acceptance you have to options "principal" or "teacher leader".

While I haven't yet been official accepted, I am very confident in my application portfolio. However, I am paralyzed by this decision. Right now, I do not see myself as a principal. Leader - yes. Building principal - no.  It's not necessarily what I want to do now, but who's to say it won't be what I want in a few years? I was talking with the professor about this inner conflict I've been having, and she suggested that she has seen this pattern with women.

She said that in talking with women in particular, they seem to not see themselves as principals - but then end up becoming one once they've earned the degree.

So, I'm wondering if somehow this is related to the lack of women presenters at ISTE. Do women, in general, struggle to see themselves outside of the roll in their classroom? Do we get so focused on what we're doing day to day and the connections we're making with students, that it's difficult to think beyond those walls?

For me, imagining doing something other than teaching is almost impossible. I love what I do. Would I be happy doing something else? Can I find a space in the universe to keep teaching but also share my voice?

I don't know.

But, I'm going to explore it. I'm going to put myself out there, try to get into the conversations, and share what I'm doing with the world.

There is value in what I have to say, but I have to be in a place where others can hear me.

I'm going to show up.